took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
