I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
