its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
