Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
