He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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