i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
