I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
