Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
