Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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