bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
