my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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