god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
