im drinking this country out of the recession.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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