can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
