Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
