He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
