you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
