apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
We got so high we made milksteak
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
