my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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