I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
