bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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