we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
