Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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