Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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