Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
