guys are only as good as the porn they watch
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
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