rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
