I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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