so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
