wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
