i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
