I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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