Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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