omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
