I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
