You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
