But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
