dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
