I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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