omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
