he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
