I wish i was in the wii world.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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