Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
