He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
