there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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