i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
