so that wasnt chicken after all
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
