am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
