in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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