The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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