Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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