six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
