after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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