the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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