it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
